“This is confirmation that there are more than Ten Commandments.” Tracts of our Times
“Those who believe that cheese is harmless need to think again.” Modern Warfare Magazine
Watch Out for the Bull!
Our maker took note of an old but worthy unattributable joke about stereotypes and recognised the unmistakable ring of truth:
“In Heaven, the French will be the cooks. The Italians will be the lovers, the Swiss the organisers. The Germans will be the engineers and the English will be the police.
In Hell, the Swiss will be the lovers, the Italians the organisers. The French will be the engineers, the English the cooks, and the Germans will be the police.”
And it came to pass that within seven minutes, God created Euroheaven, fashioning it from spare fluffy white clouds. All would run like (Swiss) clockwork but the time would be determined by GMT.
Thus did Satan spawn Federal Hell, where dry-slope ski-jumping is the national sport, the running of the bulls takes place 24/7 and the communal toilets will be plumbed in by Greek democrats.
In the (G) meantime, God hath sent forth a messenger called (Mr) Wong. Wong’s mission is to inform us of the availability of the new afterlife venue and how to qualify for entry into Euroheaven (getting into Federal Hell is easy). Because of the state of the planet he will also
warn us of the peril of our ways. To this end he brings a list of Supplementary Commandments. Paying all taxes due takes on new significance as does the new Commandment about dealing with bankers.
Wong’s disciples are known as Messengerites. To fully payed-up adherents he divulges many things, making a long stay in Federal Hell easier to deal with. It’s now believed that Messengerism could be the Cult of our times. (God’s okay with cults. He hates religions.)
Wong also looks at the big Euro-picture; up to 50,000 European citizens will die on our roads this year, many on Autostradas, -pistes and -bahns, others on Motor- and Freeways. Because of the effect of the Super (Gouda) Cheese Ball Crash of 2002, he will advise how not to get killed during a multi-vehicle pileup on the German-Austria border. (This stuff is only important if you believe in death.)
This account – written by a converted Yorkshireman – could draw you to the ‘ism started by Wong. It reads as if it’s irreverent and politically incorrect but there had to be a major change eventually. The book’s relevance cannot be overstated. Consider it as a guide to dealing with our situation and the part we play in this jolly EU-thing cum farce. Remember, this is where we live, love, eat, drink, holiday and die.
Is any one of those more important than the other?